(no subject)

[ravencallscrows]

Heavily influenced by recent posts from lysana and observations of people in general.

If there's one thing which i'd fault people on, it's not doing things properly. Courtship, like seduction and foreplay, is something which needs to be done properly, or it shouldn't be done at all.

Courtship is not about PDAs (Public Displays of Affection, not the handheld devices), or spending a lot of money on someone in a dating sense. Bunches of flowers are not always the right thing.

Do the little things, the unexpected ones, the fine brush strokes in the big picture. It's the attention to detail that matters.

Be romantic. That side is there in all of us. If you doubt it, learn how to develop yours. A single rose can say volumes when properly presented, just as a dozen can say little more than you have the budget to spend that amount of money or at least masquerade at being able to do so.

If you've any talent with words, write something yourself. Cards are usually an appreciated touch, but when there's something personal in them, that adds the extra little special touch which shows that you care.

Be real. You gain nothing by trying to impress by being something radically different than what you are. If the object of your affection is worthy, s/he'll appreciate getting to be with you rather than the façade of who you think s/he wants you to be.

Be positive about yourself- in at least some way. Just about everyone has some redeeming feature, even if it's just enough of a sense of humour to be able to laugh at one's self. A little confidence and self-assurance goes a long way. It's no fun being with people who are hang-dog and tear themselves down.

Do it right. Be sincere, pay attention, get the little things right. Or don't bitch about people who don't appreciate the wonderful person you are.

That is all.

Comments

[whotheheckami.livejournal.com]

You have some truly appropriate insights.

[bellacrow.livejournal.com]

and are you single?

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

No, i'm not. Similarly to lysana and blackfyr's situation, my wife and i have a nominally polyamorous relationship; but at present neither of us is doing anything more serious than maintaining close friendships outside of our union.

[bellacrow.livejournal.com]

now see, all the smart ones got snapped up ;-)

[inanna.livejournal.com]

Well, if he doesn't start putting his words into action he may be! (JUST JOKING!!!) :)

Actually, he's a pretty sweet guy. No matter what he says. :)

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

Don't listen to her. I'm a crotchety curmudgeon; an observer of the human condition; less a participant in the great dance of life than an observer from the shadowy corners.

But i do know how to treat people with respect, and feel whole-heartedly that anyone worth building a relationship with is worth taking the time to be respectful; and have seen all too many people lament the demise of relationships with others they were dating and wonder why they can't seem to make it last when it's fairly obvious from the way they interact that there are some key elements missing in the respect they show others.

[skyewolf1.livejournal.com]

And might I just add that once you stop the "courting" process and move further into the relationship, most of that stuff is still appreciated. Don't just stop when you think you've "won" the person over. I don't know for sure about guys but us girls still like the "little things" It was truly spectacular when my husband sent me 3 roses a day for a week the year valentines day fell on a saturday but I'm just as gushy and ecstacis when he brings me home one of those cheap silk roses they sell at the gas station.....

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. Courtship shouldn't end when a relationship is established. I think those in successful relationships are in a state of regular courtship. Not in an everyday, all the time sense, but in the sense that there are times when we feel the need to reconnect with those who are dear to our hearts.

[inanna.livejournal.com]

i Totally agree with this one! Once in a blue moon my beloved brings me a flower and it melts my heart. Or, he'll bring me a chocolate (when he goes to See's). Sometimes i wish it happened more often, but - you know - if it did, then it wouldn't be as special when it does!

Plus, i could be a little sweeter, too. :D

[jasonhollister.livejournal.com]

To dispell any doubt, guys *do* enjoy the "little things" as well. I don't know about flowers, but there are lots of other small things guys appreciate.

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

Absolutely- and it doesn't even have to be in a romantic way, but just the concept "you're a special person to me, and i thought of you."
Early in the summer this year, a friend decided i needed flowers, and brought them to me at coffee on a Wednesday. It made my day- and she and i haven't any sort of romantic liason. It was just one of those beautiful gestures that made me feel appreciated.

[skyewolf1.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I wish everyone thought that way. Much of the time, I find that the little things go unoticed or get deemed unnecessary...

[veilofire.livejournal.com]

Of course men do !
Maybe it's a book,
or a piece of dark chocolate,
or fresh raspberries,
or a new book,
or taping His favorite cartoon when He is work (that would be Spongebob).

Or just leaving a message on His v/m -- telling Him how much I adore Him and can't image what I would be doing without Him in my life.

This is a two way street.