(no subject)

[ravencallscrows]

"Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look.
He thinks too much.
Such men are dangerous."
--Julius Caesar, Act 1, Scene 2, lines 193-196

Yes, i'm thinking too much again, damnit. Since i'm cursed, as are most people, with 20-20 hindsight, i'm busily looking back at the past few months and realizing so many things which i should have done differently, or which should have had different resolutions.

A friend of mine was recently writing about Peter Pan Syndrome. I have it, and badly. Not the classic case where the afflicted tries to avoid responsibility- i don't have a problem with that; but with not knowing what i want to do when i grow up.

At 35, with a B.A. degree in Literature and History from a reasonably reputable university, i'm presently employed in my fourth different career path- i've run photo labs, been a journalist, a professional photographer, and currently work in the software industry. I'm also dabbling at writing a novel, although i find more time to come up with reasons not to write than i do actually writing. I lack discipline. I think i could be happy as a novelist, but that would take committment, and that's something i seem to lack.

I'm working on myself. Growing, changing, and learning to define what my needs and wants are. It hasn't been easy. I foul up more things than i want to. This is just another transition period, right? It'll pass and i'll get out of this damn chrysalis and learn to spread my wings without being doomed to continue to foul things up. Please?

Comments

[heathwitch.livejournal.com]

Awww, honey. ***hugs***

[gwynn-aaron.livejournal.com]

I'd say you are doing pretty well in that you've got a head start on doing something meaningful and happyness-making with your life. Look at all of the people out there who do one thing with their lives from college to retirement, and realize some time 15 or 20 years in that they're not happy and that they don't know what they want to be doing. You're trying things, you're looking at your options. So you don't know what you want to be yet. Big fucking deal. At least you're actively working on seeking it.

[transcendence1.livejournal.com]

I understand how you are feeling. I came out of high school knowing that I wanted to be a commercial pilot. That fell through and I ended up in a career path that I really just wanted to keep as a hobby. Sure, I'm good with computer's, but I never really wanted to make a profession out of it. And now I'm stuck, not just in my job, but in my life right now. It scares me thinking if I'm going to survive this and what will become of me.

I think I have an extreme case of the Peter Pan Syndrome as well, only in the fact that I just want to be a kid again...

Shedding Our Skin

[servo777.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you the times I've thought about making changes in my life. Unfortunately, more often than not I end up NOT making the changes. Only recently have I decided that life was just too plain and routine for me and that I needed to shake things up. I used to think changes were bad. But I've finally realized that some changes (especially those YOU can control) can build character, help you grow and give you a more "well rounded" life experience. My problem was hiding myself from the world and not meeting new people. But shedding the skin of my former self was like being reborn and new again. It's a form of self-discovery, or self re-discovery. I think changes can help keep us young. And of course, we all "foul things up". Learning what NOT to do (again) is as important as what TO do.