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ravencallscrowsWell, we've made it through yet another Samhain, and i'm still here.
One of these years, the veil will grow thin, and it will be time to go to the Island of Green Abundance, Tir na nOg, whatever you want to call it. I tend to call it "Home." I realize that very few people who will read this understand my connexion with Faerie or with the Divine Ones, and it's way to involved to go into here- not to mention that few readers will want to have that detailed a look into my concepts of evolved Celtic Reconstructionist theology or hermeneutics- so i'll boil it down to essentials and gloss over most of the detail.
I made my traditional Samhain votive offering, along with the prayer for peace and prosperity for those who labour in this realm and the Otherworld, and felt an immediate sense of presence, and a pleased one at that. I think there will be guests at the first seanachie circle i have who will go unseen by many of those who attend, but their presence will be felt.
Now i'm in post-New Year lethargy. I'm feeling particularly non-social (not anti-social) and, at the same time, incredibly needy. I crave interaction with people, but don't feel like exerting the effort to create it. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but sitting and writing it, it's becoming clearer what is going on.
Around Imbolc, i started emerging from my hermit's isolation. By Beltaine- and the start of the samos half of the year- the creation of a social life was in full swing. Around Lughnasadh, there were several developments which were interesting, and positive interaction with people who had a really interesting effect on and interaction in my life, and were a dynamic part of the summer- together with moving and taking time off from work. Now we're back in the giamos half of the year, and i'm waiting for the energy expended during the rest of the year to begin flowing in. So i'm feeling needy. Wanting people who are my friends to spend time with me.
Of course, i'm the hermit, and the one who usually approaches people on his terms- who is the person who invests time and energy in building relationships when i need them, so sitting back and waiting for others to invest some time in building friendships with me feels incredibly selfish and unnatural. It's easier to just withdraw until the need passes.
To complicate things, i'm not getting quality time with anyone.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
damashita has been feeling incredibly poorly of late, and has been needy, but it has felt as if there hasn't been much left in the tank to give. She's taking this weekend and going away to recharge her batteries- and i hope it goes well. I'm not sure i could do the same thing- i doubt that spending time alone would do much other than make me a bit depressed. Taking a day away used to be my escape to recharge- i made a few trips when i was living in the Tampa Bay area to north Georgia or the Smoky Mountains in western North Carolina, just to get away and 'back to nature' (and occasionally visit my old friend and almost-lover Sandra, who lives up in the mountains now). So, of late, we've been incredibly disconnected.
Nobody else calls up to do anything either. Some have valid excuses- work, lack of transportation, lives of their own- but there are others who have pretty tenuous ones at best. So i'm feeling drained, disconnected and lonely.
Went out this evening- stopped in to say hi to the crowd at Linda's before coffee, which includedicequeen669, mediavore, h2so4, and cor_tenebrarum and a few others who may or may not be on LJ. Didn't stay there too long, as only about 15% of what was being said was audible. Went over to coffee when icequeen669 did, and talked to a few more people, including staxxy when she made her arrival, but really wasn't overly into being out and cut the evening short.
One of these years, the veil will grow thin, and it will be time to go to the Island of Green Abundance, Tir na nOg, whatever you want to call it. I tend to call it "Home." I realize that very few people who will read this understand my connexion with Faerie or with the Divine Ones, and it's way to involved to go into here- not to mention that few readers will want to have that detailed a look into my concepts of evolved Celtic Reconstructionist theology or hermeneutics- so i'll boil it down to essentials and gloss over most of the detail.
I made my traditional Samhain votive offering, along with the prayer for peace and prosperity for those who labour in this realm and the Otherworld, and felt an immediate sense of presence, and a pleased one at that. I think there will be guests at the first seanachie circle i have who will go unseen by many of those who attend, but their presence will be felt.
Now i'm in post-New Year lethargy. I'm feeling particularly non-social (not anti-social) and, at the same time, incredibly needy. I crave interaction with people, but don't feel like exerting the effort to create it. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone but me, but sitting and writing it, it's becoming clearer what is going on.
Around Imbolc, i started emerging from my hermit's isolation. By Beltaine- and the start of the samos half of the year- the creation of a social life was in full swing. Around Lughnasadh, there were several developments which were interesting, and positive interaction with people who had a really interesting effect on and interaction in my life, and were a dynamic part of the summer- together with moving and taking time off from work. Now we're back in the giamos half of the year, and i'm waiting for the energy expended during the rest of the year to begin flowing in. So i'm feeling needy. Wanting people who are my friends to spend time with me.
Of course, i'm the hermit, and the one who usually approaches people on his terms- who is the person who invests time and energy in building relationships when i need them, so sitting back and waiting for others to invest some time in building friendships with me feels incredibly selfish and unnatural. It's easier to just withdraw until the need passes.
To complicate things, i'm not getting quality time with anyone.
damashita has been feeling incredibly poorly of late, and has been needy, but it has felt as if there hasn't been much left in the tank to give. She's taking this weekend and going away to recharge her batteries- and i hope it goes well. I'm not sure i could do the same thing- i doubt that spending time alone would do much other than make me a bit depressed. Taking a day away used to be my escape to recharge- i made a few trips when i was living in the Tampa Bay area to north Georgia or the Smoky Mountains in western North Carolina, just to get away and 'back to nature' (and occasionally visit my old friend and almost-lover Sandra, who lives up in the mountains now). So, of late, we've been incredibly disconnected.Nobody else calls up to do anything either. Some have valid excuses- work, lack of transportation, lives of their own- but there are others who have pretty tenuous ones at best. So i'm feeling drained, disconnected and lonely.
Went out this evening- stopped in to say hi to the crowd at Linda's before coffee, which included
icequeen669, mediavore, h2so4, and cor_tenebrarum and a few others who may or may not be on LJ. Didn't stay there too long, as only about 15% of what was being said was audible. Went over to coffee when icequeen669 did, and talked to a few more people, including staxxy when she made her arrival, but really wasn't overly into being out and cut the evening short.
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 09:30 am (UTC)Gwynn: I'm bored, do you want to do something?
Vanya: Sure. Why don't you come over here?
Gwynn: Eh, I don't know if I feel like going out. Why don't you come over here?
Vanya: I dunno, I don't feel much like driving any where. Besides, didn't I go over there last time?
Gwynn: Umm...
no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 05:08 pm (UTC)If you weren't at work again, I'd be happy to come share a day in the city walking around with you. Let me know if you're ever available?
no subject
Date: 2002-11-07 08:24 pm (UTC)Wasn't there a show on TV that was Tir Na Nog?
*shrugs*
Re:
Date: 2002-11-07 08:34 pm (UTC)Tir na nOg, by the way, is Irish for "The Land of Eternal Youth."
As for the rest of it, it's the product of fifteen years of Celtic Reconstructionist paganism combined with a degree in history and literature and a voracious reading habit.
Re:
Date: 2002-11-08 02:51 pm (UTC)I really am interested in that kind of stuff too.. but the last few years I haven't felt that great about life and just don't feel good, you know?
I just don't feel up to learning or bettering myself..
I just want to get out of my environment first, you know?
Plus, I'd like to find some friends with similar interests.. real live friends that I can sit down and talk with. :)
Living with Larry will allow all that wonderful stuff to happen..
I literally cannot wait..
it's really hell here.