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Sep. 20th, 2002 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravencallscrowsThe malaise continues. This is sorta online therapy for me, just letting my semi-disjunct thoughts out, but i'm hiding most of my ramblings behind
Yet another drive to Burlington today. Got damn near all of the last things from the house stuffed in the car. Wondered again on the drive back down how i survived five years of making that drive to and from work- whether Bothell, Kirkland or Redmond. One thing's for sure- it gives me a lot of time to think.
I've been singing a lot lately while driving. OK, so i usually sing along with whatever's on, but i've been concentrating on technique the past few days, and trying to be as technically correct as possible while sitting and driving- things like proper breath control and focus etc., and i'm feeling pretty good about it- keeping mainly focused, breathing fairly well, and hearing some change in my upper registers. One thing that i'm certain of- it has been ages since i've had any voice lessons- probably since my second year at university. I think i've drifted a bit more into the baritone/bass range since then, but the practice has made me a bit more comfortable singing along with Messrs. Doyle, McCann, Hallett and Power without running into the annoying holes which sometimes plague me on higher parts- if nothing else, the support and focus has helped there.
One of the songs which i've been singing is "Time Brings," written by Séan McCann and sung by Alan Doyle. Here's the first verse:
This, and music in general, has tied in with me thinking about relationships. All in all, i've been pretty damned fortunate with love and the people who have chosen to be a part of my life, going back to my first real love- Sara, back at about age fourteen to sixteen or seventeen (foolish child that i was then!). Each one has been a learning experience, and some of the lessons have been really hard to learn, but i don't think i'd trade the experiences, even where they were painful, at the cost of the growth which has come from them. Well, maybe one or two. ;-)
I've been becoming considerably more sure of myself over the past six months or so, and better able to evaluate the mistakes i've made. I've usually been pretty passive in general, and at times an absolute push-over, but i'm learning to be more assertive, and to feel confident in my assessment of what my needs and wants are, and even on occasion to give voice to them without being destructive in doing so.
I think that's one of the lessons that kept recurring over and over until i finally got it. It was always one of the things i respected most about Tori- she always seemed to know what she wanted or needed, and had absolutely no fear in expressing it. Unfortunately, in '86, when we first met, i had such a major crush on her i'd have done absolutely anything for her, and missed out on the lesson then; and then again when we had our few days together in '96 and '97- although at that point, i think we both above anything just needed someone to be there who'd tell the other that it'd all be okay, even if neither of us could possibly see where things were going at the time.
Even the disaster in Florida hinted toward this. What i learned out of it was that there are certain things which are so detrimental to my needs that i can be forced into acting, even if it's only out of a sense of self preservation, and took seven years to reach that critical point.
One thing i'm certain i've learned, and i hope it never is a lesson that i forget, is how to be a sensitive and caring lover- in the sense that i won't let my needs and wants automatically outweigh those of my partner- but to walk the line of compromise where those needs and wants are somewhat exclusive. There are things which i can't compromise, but it's unlikely i'd ever have any sort of relationship with someone who didn't share those absolutes. The rest are pretty mutable, and one of the things i'm in the process of learning is how to effectively communicate and express what and where they are. It's a big challenge- mature, responsible communication. Hopefully it's something which will continue to stick, because i certainly don't want to have to repeat this lesson over again.
Yet another drive to Burlington today. Got damn near all of the last things from the house stuffed in the car. Wondered again on the drive back down how i survived five years of making that drive to and from work- whether Bothell, Kirkland or Redmond. One thing's for sure- it gives me a lot of time to think.
I've been singing a lot lately while driving. OK, so i usually sing along with whatever's on, but i've been concentrating on technique the past few days, and trying to be as technically correct as possible while sitting and driving- things like proper breath control and focus etc., and i'm feeling pretty good about it- keeping mainly focused, breathing fairly well, and hearing some change in my upper registers. One thing that i'm certain of- it has been ages since i've had any voice lessons- probably since my second year at university. I think i've drifted a bit more into the baritone/bass range since then, but the practice has made me a bit more comfortable singing along with Messrs. Doyle, McCann, Hallett and Power without running into the annoying holes which sometimes plague me on higher parts- if nothing else, the support and focus has helped there.
One of the songs which i've been singing is "Time Brings," written by Séan McCann and sung by Alan Doyle. Here's the first verse:
Hearken to me both high and low
I'll sing for you a song
Of Kings and Queens, and rose-lipped maidens
Courting light foot lads
Now love is grand, when love is new
The heart blood, it runs strong
There's nothing a doting lad won't do
To keep his princess warm
He'll tease her with poems and promises
He'll ask her out to dance
He'll cajole and he'll beg
And he'll always win
In bitter-sweet romance
This, and music in general, has tied in with me thinking about relationships. All in all, i've been pretty damned fortunate with love and the people who have chosen to be a part of my life, going back to my first real love- Sara, back at about age fourteen to sixteen or seventeen (foolish child that i was then!). Each one has been a learning experience, and some of the lessons have been really hard to learn, but i don't think i'd trade the experiences, even where they were painful, at the cost of the growth which has come from them. Well, maybe one or two. ;-)
I've been becoming considerably more sure of myself over the past six months or so, and better able to evaluate the mistakes i've made. I've usually been pretty passive in general, and at times an absolute push-over, but i'm learning to be more assertive, and to feel confident in my assessment of what my needs and wants are, and even on occasion to give voice to them without being destructive in doing so.
I think that's one of the lessons that kept recurring over and over until i finally got it. It was always one of the things i respected most about Tori- she always seemed to know what she wanted or needed, and had absolutely no fear in expressing it. Unfortunately, in '86, when we first met, i had such a major crush on her i'd have done absolutely anything for her, and missed out on the lesson then; and then again when we had our few days together in '96 and '97- although at that point, i think we both above anything just needed someone to be there who'd tell the other that it'd all be okay, even if neither of us could possibly see where things were going at the time.
Even the disaster in Florida hinted toward this. What i learned out of it was that there are certain things which are so detrimental to my needs that i can be forced into acting, even if it's only out of a sense of self preservation, and took seven years to reach that critical point.
One thing i'm certain i've learned, and i hope it never is a lesson that i forget, is how to be a sensitive and caring lover- in the sense that i won't let my needs and wants automatically outweigh those of my partner- but to walk the line of compromise where those needs and wants are somewhat exclusive. There are things which i can't compromise, but it's unlikely i'd ever have any sort of relationship with someone who didn't share those absolutes. The rest are pretty mutable, and one of the things i'm in the process of learning is how to effectively communicate and express what and where they are. It's a big challenge- mature, responsible communication. Hopefully it's something which will continue to stick, because i certainly don't want to have to repeat this lesson over again.
