ravencallscrows | Contemplative Music

I'm sitting at the computer, scribbling idly at little bits of nothing substantial, listening to music, and letting it play over me. Although i don't generally quote lyrics, i'm going to make an exception, because some of this is sufficiently obscure it's not likely many of you have heard it.
First up was Ashley Cleveland, a blues guitarist who shows some really deep gospel roots (often too deep for my preferences, but she can be a wonderfully emotive songwriter). Musically she's stylistically comparable to Bonnie Raitt.
Two of the songs from her Big Town release speak to me- "I Could Learn To Love You" and "Tentative Man."
"I Could Learn To Love You"
I could learn to love you, I'm old enough.
I could learn to love you, I'm brave enough.
Not like a mother's love, decided from the womb,
Not like a burning love that flares the night and fades at noon.
I mean the stubborn kind that you choose.
I could learn to listen and not be selective,
I could learn to listen, to hear you and respect it.
I could get to know you apart from my own reflection.
I could learn to let go of you and set aside my expectations
And put away the push and shove.
I may not have what it takes for love, but I'm not afraid of the stakes for love.
And I will weather the aches for love, grace will see me true.
I have nothing here to prove.
I could learn to love you, I could be faithful;
I could learn to love you and lay it on the table
I could be your closest friend, I can take some distance
I could be your biggest fan and I can handle some resistance.
I will tell the truth.

"Tentative Man"
My baby is a little awkward, his manner is reserved
His intentions are brave but he loses his nerve
And if he comes around to see me
He's not assertive like he planned
I understand
Baby is a tentative man.
He don't sit too close, I must scare him half to death
And if I brush against him, I hear him catch his breath
And if he brings himself to touch me
There's hesitation in his hand
I understand,
Baby is a tentative man
I say maybe it's time he's taking
Maybe he's been badly burned
Maybe that's the way god made him
I don't feel concerned.
'Cause when I catch his shining eyes
I have found a love so grand
I understand,
Baby is a tentative man.

-words and music for both by Ashley Cleveland, 1990

The first one, to me, anyway, is all about communication and open discourse among the participants in a relationship, and the way that love is give and take and the little compromises we make on the behalf of our partners- the ways we continually learn on a day by day basis to show our love.
I still fuck it up on a pretty regular basis, but i'm working on it. Communicating and forming healthy relationships is a lot of work, but i'm convinced that it's the only way that's going to work. In many ways, the intimacy of communication is closer than sexual intimacy- it's in sharing bits of yourself that you really show your weaknesses and make yourself vulnerable to others. For those who i would have be very close to me, it's worth the risk. Reprising the one Alestair Crowley quote that always pops into my head when this comes up, "Perfect love in perfect trust."
"Tentative Man" describes me pretty well in many ways, i think. I am tentative, with many things in the scope of a relationship. Maybe it's just my generally submissive nature, but i think it runs deeper- i tend to have deep seated fears of pushing too far, too quickly. Sometimes i just need to be enouraged or led by the hand. This, too, is something i'm working on. I think in the course of the past few years, i've gotten a lot better, but there's still a long way to go.
After Ashley Cleveland, the Indigo Girls. Emily Saliers "Closer to Fine" usually triggers some introspection. "There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line / And the less I seek my source for some definitive, / The closer I am to fine." Damnit, stop over-analyzing everything, will ya? And if the message wasn't clear there, there's "Least Complicated."
"What makes me think I can start clean-slated?
The hardest to learn was the least complicated"

OK, enough introspection. Time to listen to some Tori and get all nostalgic. Think i'll "Take to the Sky"
"But my priest says
You ain't saving no souls
My father says
You ain't making any money
My doctor says
You just took it to the limit
And here I stand
With this sword in my hand
You can say it one more time
What you don't like
Let me hear it one more time then
Have a seat while I
Take to the sky."