Must vent....
Jan. 22nd, 2002 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravencallscrowsI want to write. I know where my novella is going, and I'm even reasonably motivated to work on it. Instead, I'm sitting at the computer in the living room (the one which doesn't have a current copy of the manuscript).
Why?
Because it's nearly impossible for me to get uninterrupted time in my house. Then again, it's nearly impossible for anyone to get uninterrupted time in this house.
You see, there's this little boy named alexander, who can be the sweetest little guy in the world. He can also be the most incredibly infuriatingly annoying little guy in the world.
Wanna guess which he's being tonight? You get three guesses and the first two don't count.
Because my beloved wife gets stuck dealing with him most of the time, i try to give her as much "downtime" as possible when i'm not at work.
Unfortunately, sometimes i do so to my own detriment. All night i've felt just about to burst with frustration and annoyance- and it's not alexander's fault- he's just a little kid. It's not vanessa's fault- she just wanted to watch her TV show without being pawed and asked continual questions. Not a damn thing wrong with that.
But you know what? It wasn't my fault either. Unfortunately, something had to give. Again, you get three guesses who's needs got sublimated, and again the first two don't count.
So, as wrong as it is, i'm sitting here, incredibly pissed off (and at nothing in particular); frustrated beyond belief; badly needing a respite from a job that i can do, but am rapidly coming to hate. I'm rapidly approaching a state of mental and emotional exhaustion.
It's not burnout. I've been there before- i simply don't give a shit about anything in Phase III burnout (being always pretty damn cynical); and there isn't the "i can't keep dancing on the razor's edge much longer" feel that accompanies Phase I (although i've generally attributed this to just being too damned stubborn to give up on any and everything).
It's now after 10:00, and i've pretty much given up on writing tonight- by the time everything gets cranked up and starts really flowing, it'd be time to stop because i needed to sleep because i had to be up at 6:30 in the morning to get ready for work (not that i'll do anything productive there).
I need a vacation. I wonder how much vacation time i have accrued currently? Must find out. couldn't go anywhere (because that costs money, something aside from private time i lack), but just having time when i didn't have to make the damn drive to sit and have Office suck the vitality from the marrow of my bones might help. Then again, getting permission to talk with other groups about positions might turn the trick. Thursday i have a meeting with Nader, who's my boss now that Renee has decided she wasn't having any fun with Shared Services, which i think is supposed to be a one-on-one to give him some insight into our midyear evaluations- and i have in my notes for the meeting (he sent out a list of questions he'd like answered, and for once being organized, i copied them into Word and wrote out an answer to all of them- including that i want to design stuff rather than testing it to be sure it matches what someone else thinks it should do) that i want to get permission to interview with groups outside the world's most boring application suite.
Why?
Because it's nearly impossible for me to get uninterrupted time in my house. Then again, it's nearly impossible for anyone to get uninterrupted time in this house.
You see, there's this little boy named alexander, who can be the sweetest little guy in the world. He can also be the most incredibly infuriatingly annoying little guy in the world.
Wanna guess which he's being tonight? You get three guesses and the first two don't count.
Because my beloved wife gets stuck dealing with him most of the time, i try to give her as much "downtime" as possible when i'm not at work.
Unfortunately, sometimes i do so to my own detriment. All night i've felt just about to burst with frustration and annoyance- and it's not alexander's fault- he's just a little kid. It's not vanessa's fault- she just wanted to watch her TV show without being pawed and asked continual questions. Not a damn thing wrong with that.
But you know what? It wasn't my fault either. Unfortunately, something had to give. Again, you get three guesses who's needs got sublimated, and again the first two don't count.
So, as wrong as it is, i'm sitting here, incredibly pissed off (and at nothing in particular); frustrated beyond belief; badly needing a respite from a job that i can do, but am rapidly coming to hate. I'm rapidly approaching a state of mental and emotional exhaustion.
It's not burnout. I've been there before- i simply don't give a shit about anything in Phase III burnout (being always pretty damn cynical); and there isn't the "i can't keep dancing on the razor's edge much longer" feel that accompanies Phase I (although i've generally attributed this to just being too damned stubborn to give up on any and everything).
It's now after 10:00, and i've pretty much given up on writing tonight- by the time everything gets cranked up and starts really flowing, it'd be time to stop because i needed to sleep because i had to be up at 6:30 in the morning to get ready for work (not that i'll do anything productive there).
I need a vacation. I wonder how much vacation time i have accrued currently? Must find out. couldn't go anywhere (because that costs money, something aside from private time i lack), but just having time when i didn't have to make the damn drive to sit and have Office suck the vitality from the marrow of my bones might help. Then again, getting permission to talk with other groups about positions might turn the trick. Thursday i have a meeting with Nader, who's my boss now that Renee has decided she wasn't having any fun with Shared Services, which i think is supposed to be a one-on-one to give him some insight into our midyear evaluations- and i have in my notes for the meeting (he sent out a list of questions he'd like answered, and for once being organized, i copied them into Word and wrote out an answer to all of them- including that i want to design stuff rather than testing it to be sure it matches what someone else thinks it should do) that i want to get permission to interview with groups outside the world's most boring application suite.
