(no subject)

Interesting day. Had lunch with greenwood, where we talked about work stresses and the like. Left there, dropped by my friend Cory's office, and he ended up taking me over to see our mutual friend Jon- who actually has headcount (and in an unadvertised position to boot), and wouldn't have a problem specifically requesting me as a candidate for it. So there's a possibility perhaps on the horizon that i may be able to change into a position as an FTE with a boss who i know, trust, and know that if i wasn't meeting expectations, he'd have no problem kicking my ass until i realized it. It'd be nice for that to come through- i'm not particularly looking forward to the concept of looking for a new job in this economy, but i need a change, and if that's what is required, i'm going to do it.
I've got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I've got a fairly decent list of what's going on, and i'm going to ask to go on short-term disability, simply because it'd give me a little cushion to get things pulled together and figure out where i need to be going. I can get paid for up to 12 weeks of leave that way- at full pay until my sick time is used up and at 75% thereafter. It's not an ideal situation, but right now i'm stressed out to the point where it seems like a manageable one. One way or another, i can't work through the panic attacks.
Had to make a stop on Cap Hill after work, then dash home for dinner. Stopped to pick up bread to go with dinner and stopped by the pharmacy to check my blood pressure to see how bad it was. Talked for a few minutes about the situation with Laura, who was the pharmacist on duty and has been an acquaintance as long as i've lived in the Pacific Northwest. She said it'd be high. She was right. My blood pressure usually runs around 120/62 or so. It was 148/99- significantly in the high range- and this was two and a half hours after leaving work stress- enough later that i didn't even feel particularly stressed anymore.

On a completely unrelated note, while talking with greenwood i got a strong feeling of how important Catholicism was to her. C-ko, i'm not Catholic nor ever have been, but one of the Divine Ones i reverence is the Celtic goddess Brighid. In legend and some of the early medieval writings, her character and that of St. Brigit of Kildare have been so associated with each other, tangled together and the like that they can be (and often are, by both Catholics and pagans) identified as the same entity. Would you be offended if I included you in my prayers to Brighid? If you prefer, i'd address her as St. Brigit for you- you've been officially assimilated into that class of people who are friends qua extended family as of lunch today. Can't promise that it'd do any good, but Brigit always feels very comforting and maternal to me.

The Tormented Soul of a Writer

...or, My Life as a Compulsive Starter But Non-Finisher
If it's longer than a vignette, I can start it, but finishing it is a chore. I can finish verse. I can write vignettes of five pages or less, usually in a single sitting, and have them read passably enough to not destroy all of what i've written the next morning. When inspiration hits, i can follow the whim of my Muse of the moment to fair length, but completion seems to be an evanescent glimmer- a will o' the wisp on the horizon.
"The Outsiders" should run ten pages or so, and be a credible short story when complete, but it's sitting at about a page and a half, although i know where both elements of the storyline are going and how the whole package ties together.
Melpomene's Daughter is in the sixty page range now, but i'm only about a tenth of the way through the tale i'm retelling, and haven't touched it in a while (although i may do some on it in the coming weeks if i end up with time off).
I'm feeling the motivation presently to write artful smut again. Wonder if i should subject some of my friends to my lurid prose....