ravencallscrows | (no subject)

First off, a disclaimer: any names mentioned are not dropped in a passive-aggressive manner. Trust me, if i'm pissed at someone, i'll come right out and let them know.

Went out tonight. Really felt as if i needed it when i left. Stopped by to see if

mediavore was in, since she lives just a block or two from the Mercury and close to where i parked. No answer at her buzzer. Not a problem— planned to go to the Merc regardless. Got there, and it looked like a slow night. Then again, it was comparatively early- wasn't even 9:30 yet.

Had my typical one drink, and nursed it for an hour. I've never felt more out of place at the club than i did tonight— not even the very first time i went there. I don't think that there were a dozen people there i knew by name, and only two-

gkr and

ajka- i knew well enough with whom to make anything more than the most basic of small-talk- and both of them were busy talking with other people. Sitting there, i felt overwhelmed by a wave of melancholia which just seemed to get deeper as time passed. So by 10:30, i'd had enough and called it a night.

I'm not sure what's going on- whether it's just some sort of hormonal fluctuation, an on-coming cycle of depression, or a result of having failed to exist socially for quite a while now, or just that i'm in day four of a Tori-fest.

Speaking of which, there's someone i recall having a conversation with fairly recently who wasn't familiar with her work. If this is you, let me know. A few days ago, i put together a new compilation, called that one particular faerie, comprised of some covers and rarities- some dating back to 1986, a few others to one of the last times i got to spend any real time with her in '96. It has made for some interesting driving listening, and if anyone needs a copy, let me know and i can probably burn one.

Anyway, it's not even midnight, and i'm just whipped. Calling it a night.

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I saw you and then you were gone. Kind of wondered what had happened. I was like that last week though. COuld stay too long or I'd just be overwhelmed, and I ended up walking all the way home.

Tonight was better for me though.

Welcome to that melancholia that a great majority of us to the "north" of 35 know and love (to hate)...or maybe that's not it at all...I didn't begin to feel horribly out-of-place m'self 'til I was "north" of 40, which is of course "dead" in gay years. ;)

But you know, whatever it is...I can tell you that life DOES go on, and you simply...find other things to do. But if you need to mourn, don't deny yourself a good wallow. You've earned it. :b

I'd be interested in that Tori comp, if you would.

me! me! me! me!

I would LOVE one.

And it would give us a chance to hang out again.