(no subject)

[ravencallscrows]

This entry will be a little different than the standard work-rant, just to warn you- it's significantly more personal, although i usually try to keep personal stuff out of my journal.
Something's going on, and i haven't quite got it figured out yet, but the gears keep grinding away at it. There are some things which have coalesced from it.
First, i have more friends and people in my life now than i can ever remember having before. This is a good thing, as i'm talking regularly with some very smart and neat people, some of whom i think at least border on genius level if i'm not guilty of underestimating them.
Unfortunately (and this is the one item i've been able to define at present), at present my relationships with everyone seem very temporal, and i feel really isolated. So if i'm even more reserved than usual, or at the other end of the pendulum act out more than usual, don't worry about it- i'm just trying to find equilibrium again. In general, i'm probably not going to err to the side of making a spectacle of myself, just because that's the more unusual of the two extremes for me, whereas being quiet and somewhat withdrawn is a lot more typical.
I think a lot of this has a direct causal relation to work stress. I know i've been just flat out exhausted a lot more than usual of late, and i sleep like a rock only to wake up as tired as when i went to bed. Emotionally, the rollercoaster isn't doing the standard hills and valleys, it's doing the little bumps at the end slowing down. Even driving three hours or more a day to and from work isn't bothering me at present- i've just hit a general resignation to it. I'm pretty apathetic to most things and situations, and still aim at being empathetic for friends and family. Now if you'd all stop having all these damn crises all the time.... ;-)
My energy is weird now too. I'm trying to figure out exactly why, but haven't put a finger on it yet. I'd attribute it to the general malaise, but there may be a deeper-seated cause, so i'm not ready to write it off as just that yet.
One inclination tells me that i should probably just stay home this weekend, while another says that i should probably just go out anyway because not being social tends to become its own vicious circle and downward spiral into returning to hermit-like isolation. Bah! Any suggestions?

Comments

[gwynn-aaron.livejournal.com]

I don't know, Vanya. I wish I could offer some suggestion that would help you to improve your situation, but I'm afraid I don't know what it is that you need. I mean there's the obvious things like finding a job you are happy in and shortening your commute. The job you are in and the killer drive may not seem to be actively beating you about the head and shoulders, but they certainly seem to have some inertial force that is pressing down on you. Alleviating either one or both together will take some of the weight off, which should at least give you back a little energy with which to try to lift yourself up.

One of the things that I regret about my own life is how the same sort of pressures that you are feeling day to day prevent me from seeing more of my friends who live around here. I wish we could do things with them, but by the time we get home from work I have no energy to do anything about it. Then we spend half the weekend trying to build up some strength for the week to come and doing some cleaning. This weekend and the one after it should be better since we have some stuff planned, at least...

I hope things improve for you soon, my friend.

i

[lysana.livejournal.com]

Ah, my clone-brother... would I could do more than offer distant solace...

[wingedelf.livejournal.com]

It'll get better. I'm too damn stubborn to quit. Writing about it helped, and coming to some sort of resolution with that primary cause of stress will help quite a bit as well. As for the rest, i'll just have to figure out if there's supposed to be some sort of Life Lesson (tm) i'm supposed to be learning out of this. On the flip side, it should make for some good inspiration from which to write- i usually tend to pull myself out of these funks by waxing poetic or getting otherwise creative.

[revseandoe.livejournal.com]

Come down early on Saturday, if you'd like, and we can hang a bit, I know of what you speak, and you know how I deal with it, although it's not a path I would recommend to you. But since we have the same skyline on this painting, we can commiserate.