The damn server I've been fighting with getting services on has finally given me something resembling what it might be supposed to look like, instead of just more damn error messages.
Woohoo!
Time for the Happy Dance!
Not sure what i changed that made it work, which will be a bitch when i try to write down the steps that are missing from the existing document so that in the future people have a concise and accurate procedure rather than having to take the better part of three weeks to fuck around with it blindly and wait for the alleged experts to respond to their fucking e-mail inquiries asking for assistance.