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Jan. 8th, 2003 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravencallscrowsOK, so maybe it won't be completely fictional. Less than a thousand words in, and the male character has all my mannerisms. Fuck. I make a crappy male as far as being typical, but i guess i'm all i know. Well, maybe not. I'm sure if i wanted to write a stereotypical asshole guy, i could do that, but since i hate people like that, i'm sure as hell not going out of my way to write one, especially on something that may end up venturing into the realms of heterosexual smut.
Maybe i'm being too hard on myself. I don't know. I do know i'm not showing crap writing to anyone else, and i'm not writing when i think i'm writing absolute dreck.
I think in many ways i'd have been much happier as a woman. Still plan on playing the hand with the cards i was dealt, though. Damnit, if i'm going to be depressed, why can't i tend toward bipolar, so at least i get some manic, up times?
Seeing Sarah's new colours (cardinal and black) makes me think that i need to torment my friend Jon by taking a bunch of pictures of her (sample here) in Ottawa Senators (illustrated here, i have the home white and the red road variants, but not the black third jersey) or Detroit Red Wings (shown here, either home or road, although i think the road would shoot better) jerseys, perhaps kitted out with skates, gloves, and/or stick. ;-)
Taking alexander to the Science Centre tomorrow (as reported in![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
damashita's journal here), and would love to take someone along- so if you're not working tomorrow and have any interest in going to the Science Centre, let me know and we can arrange to meet there, and no, i won't force you to sit through The Lion King at the IMAX theatre (primarily because i'm not forcing me to sit through it!). Membership hath its privileges- i can take up to five guests, so hopefully someone will decide the offer is a tempting one.
Enough for tonight. I'll try to be of better humour tomorrow.
Maybe i'm being too hard on myself. I don't know. I do know i'm not showing crap writing to anyone else, and i'm not writing when i think i'm writing absolute dreck.
I think in many ways i'd have been much happier as a woman. Still plan on playing the hand with the cards i was dealt, though. Damnit, if i'm going to be depressed, why can't i tend toward bipolar, so at least i get some manic, up times?
Seeing Sarah's new colours (cardinal and black) makes me think that i need to torment my friend Jon by taking a bunch of pictures of her (sample here) in Ottawa Senators (illustrated here, i have the home white and the red road variants, but not the black third jersey) or Detroit Red Wings (shown here, either home or road, although i think the road would shoot better) jerseys, perhaps kitted out with skates, gloves, and/or stick. ;-)
Taking alexander to the Science Centre tomorrow (as reported in
damashita's journal here), and would love to take someone along- so if you're not working tomorrow and have any interest in going to the Science Centre, let me know and we can arrange to meet there, and no, i won't force you to sit through The Lion King at the IMAX theatre (primarily because i'm not forcing me to sit through it!). Membership hath its privileges- i can take up to five guests, so hopefully someone will decide the offer is a tempting one.Enough for tonight. I'll try to be of better humour tomorrow.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-01-08 10:38 pm (UTC)Just because it seemed like you needed one...
Take care hon...
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Date: 2003-01-09 02:05 am (UTC)But, you said I'd haveta watch the Lion King. :p
Y'know how to find me.
NO! Not a woman!
Date: 2003-01-09 05:09 am (UTC)I have a friend who feels torn between being masculine and feminine and he's finally embracing that he can feel both and still be him, even more, that it makes him him.
I know depression sucks. Try a tormented family history with it and always walking on eggshells and looking out for new signs. Manic is not cool, and it would be dangerous to Alexander. Depression at least lets you care about loved ones while only beating on yourself.
Drugs aren't always the answer and most likely, the best thing are books. Not self help books (ptttlll) but life-affirming/changing books that will always stay with you. Actually, most books I've found helpful are philosophy books. I'm sure you know of a few that get you going.
I know these books are about teaching, but you have children so it's relevant. Parker J. Palmer writes well in "let your life speak" and "the courage to teach" also try Mary Rose O'Reilley's "radical presence: teaching as contemplative practice"
These deal with spirituality in the broader, universal sense (ie, not just christianity) and being called by something greater to do something greater. It helps put life in a new perspective and shifts attitudes amazingly well
Surprisingly, with a lot of women with psychosis in the family, childbirth makes it all worse, but having my son has made life all the more worth while. He grounds me, he lets unconditional love pour out of me, and he lets me be a child again.
Enjoy your day with the wee one, and concentrate on how he sees the world. And I'll listen to you rant if you need to. I've been on both sides of the moon. - Missy
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Date: 2003-01-09 05:52 pm (UTC)